“You’re with Me….”

There’s a scene in The Shack where Mack and Jesus are out on the dock in the evening, enjoying the stars. Mack imagines he could reach out and pluck diamonds off a velvet black sky:

“Wow!” he whispered.

“Incredible!” Whispered Jesus…”I never get tired of this…”

They’re doing nothing, Jesus and Mack. Just lying on the dock looking up at the stars together.

Doesn’t look like the Assembly “god”, who was always intensely involved in or gearing up for the next meeting or outreach or seminar. Here God is just taking time to be with Mack….not doing anything.

This time of the year I always get pensive about my Christian life–August 2 is my “spritual birthday.” This year is especially poignant, because it marks 50 years–fifty years!– on this path. The feeling that first pops to the surface whenever I think about that is, “So little to show for it…” Not, “Wow, God is so faithful!”, but, “I haven’t done enough, or progressed enough, or…” Ridiculous! As if I could ever do enough or progress enough in holiness in this life!

But the reason for that inappropriate feeling comes from another significant event: Next month marks the fortieth anniversary of meeting George and Betty Geftakys. Which marked the end of joy in my salvation, and the beginning of the struggle to do more and be more and die more in the effort to be pleasing to God.

While Jesus and Mack are lying there on the dock, Mack says, “Jesus, I feel so lost.” Jesus reaches out a hand and squeezes his shoulder. “I know, Mack. But it’s not true. I am with you and I’m not lost….Hear me clearly. You are not lost.”

I’m feeling inadequate in my Christian life, and Jesus is saying, “Relax. Be at peace. I’m here with you in what you’re doing right now,”–which is the everyday things of ordinary life. Just “doing the next thing”. And it’s OK. I’m OK.

I want to hold onto that, because the mind control of those twenty years with G and B that began forty years ago is very powerful and still shapes how I feel way too frequently. Mack saying, “I feel lost,” (hearing it on the CD made a more lasting impression than reading it in the book) and Jesus saying, “You’re with me and I am not lost,” gives me a clear mental image to hang truth on. When the tense feeling comes that I ought to do more, or be more, I can hear Him saying, “You’re with me. Relax and know that I am God.”

I really do have to say after 50 years on the road, He preserves the souls of His own, and delivers them from the hand of the wicked. And just that in itself brings glory to His name from my life, no matter what else I accomplish or become.

Does this resonate….?

Donna at “Stop Spiritual Abuse” posted this. (It’s really short, about 2 minutes.)

I wonder if it resonates with you? It doesn’t with me, so much, but I can see how it might with some folks. In the Assembly I never “overcame” enough to get to this point. But maybe that was just me? Or maybe the legalism of our group had a different effect on people?

Quotes….

Two great quotes from Christian Recovery Forums over at Spiritual Abuse Recovery Resources:

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under live robber barons than under omnipotent moral busibodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good, will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.” ~ C.S. Lewis

“Half the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don’t mean to do harm — but the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves.” ~ T.S.Eliot

This second one interests me particularly because I’ve been thinking lately about my tendency toward black-and-white thinking. Especially about narcissists. Of which there are currently several in my life. It is difficult to observe the damage they do and not reject them – no doubt an appropriate reaction to narcissists at a distance. Keep clear! But for those nearby? Eliot helps. They assert their superiority and control because they always need to feel better about themselves. So what they really need is love – how simple!

Yet how difficult…!

Peter Kreeft….

On the Assembly reflections website we have an excerpt from Peter Kreeft’s very, very helpful book, Making Sense out of Suffering. Even better, on his website there are MP3’s of his very listenable lectures available free of charge, including one on this same subject, and another entitled Shining Light on the Dark Side. Three others are treatments of books by two of my favorite authors: The Problem of Pain and Till We Have Faces, by C. S. Lewis, and 10 Uncommon Insights into Evil in The Lord of the Rings. Professor Kreeft is witty, concise, and to the point. These are going on my iPod!

Why call it “cultic”?….

Just a quick addendum to the previous discussion on the book Not of My Making. I was horrified at the treatment Maggie Jones received in three different churches. Those churches were not cults; they were just your normal boulevard church. So if even ordinary churches can sometimes be so hurtful, why do we imply that the Geftakys Assembly was somehow “cultic”? Are we just “disgruntled” former members with a huge chip on our shoulders who are trying to make the Assembly look worse than it was? Or worse yet, we’re tools of the devil, as GG and BG no doubt asserted?

Well, that is a possibility, of course. But here’s the deal. There are several specific behaviors that characterize cults. One element is special secret knowledge – this teacher / guru has the inside corner on knowing God. “You won’t get this anywheres else, friends.” Another is that you have to be very, very diligent in pursuit of it; not just anyone can get it. “You’ve got to press on to enter in, saints.” And another is that on your way in you aren’t told that you won’t be allowed to leave as a beloved child of God. “Those who leave have left the circle of life and light, and have gone out into the realm of death and darkness.” The bullying and scapegoating and misconduct that happen in some ordinary churches come into play in a cultic group to pressure you to try harder to achieve number two to please God, and to intimidate you into never even contemplating number three, which is viewed as leaving God.

We use the term “cultic” because it accurately describes Assembly dynamics. The important thing, though, is not the label you give a group. If the “cult” word conjures up Jonestown for you, then don’t use it. But when you come across that description, don’t automatically dismiss it, either. The important thing is to recognize controlling, unloving behaviors as unacceptabe among Christians.

The Internet Monk on parenting teens….

The iMonk posted some thoughts and questions for parents on Fathers’ Day. Good stuff, as usual. He talks about the implications of the wired world, the question of your own deepest values that shape your every day life, the peril of flash-in-the-pan evangelicalism. Point 1 is about entitlement. That is probably a tough one for some FAM’s – you give your kids a lot of stuff trying to make up for what they were denied in the Assembly. Or what you were denied, if you’re an FAK (former Ass’y kid). I love how Brian S. (formerly Fullerton) does it with his kids – he wildly enjoys the stuff with his kids. Which goes a long way toward minimizing too much free time, privacy, personal spending, and exposure to the wired world (point 5).

Point 4…well, point 4 pretty much undercuts a basic Assembly assertion (at least in the early days), that the parent must be in total control of the child and is completely responsible for how the child turns out. The truth is, your child will make his own decision about who he is going to be.

Point 7 is where you have to end up: “Are you ready to let God be God and let yourself off the hook?…Do your best, then let God take over.”

“Just carry on”….

“Just carry on” is one of the cards in The Oblique Strategies by Peter Schmidt and Brian Eno. Haven’t seen the set of cards, but I ran across this quote just now, and was surprised how a load suddenly felt lifted. Hmmm, wonder what that could be about….Even though I’ve consciously rejected the performance-based life, the mental conditioning still “carries on” (ironic, that). I guess I still usually go around with this monkey on my back. I’m going to try to develop measures to shake it off! Like writing out this quote and posting it a few places around the house.

(My reaction to this quote is one example of the results of Assembly mind control. Here is a short piece on Assembly Reflections on the subject, and here is a much longer treatment.)

Dr. Jones’ answer….

Saturday I posted my question to Dr. Jones regarding her book, Not of My Making: Bullying, Scapegoating and Misconduct in Churches.

Here is Dr. Jones’ reply:

Margaret Irons asked me, “What can persons who have formerly been abusive do now to make amends and help their former victims (with whom they are no longer in regular contact)?”

This is the first time anyone has asked me this. I am glad Ms. Irons has brought up an important issue. The question is also easy to answer, even if it may be hard to accomplish. The Bible and religious tradition is clear. First, the abuser needs to recognize they harmed someone else and that they were wrong to do so. Second, the abuser needs to repent or feel genuine sorrow for having harmed another human being. Third, the abuser needs to make restitution for the harm they have done. Fourth, they need to reform their behavior and try never to do it again to anyone.

That Ms. Irons asked this question indicates that she and some of her readers already recognize that they did something wrong while they were members of a cult. Since they are seeking ways to help their former victims indicates they are repentant. They have taken two difficult steps. Bullies often deny they have done anything wrong to anyone. Instead they say it didn’t happen, or that it was the victim’s fault, or the victim lies, or the victim is making a mountain out of a molehill, or the victim is crazy. Stuck in denial, bullies often remain unrepentant. They never say the one thing all victims long to hear, “I’m sorry for having hurt you. I was wrong.”

So that’s it. Write or call your victim. Tell him or her you are sorry, without making excuses for your behavior. Then wait humbly for your victim’s response. If s/he responds in anger just, bow your head and take your scolding. Repeat your apology. Tell them specifically what you did that was wrong. Ask them what you can do to make amends.

In Not of My Making, Ruth apologizes, but she never makes restitution. She never alters her behavior. I needed her to make a public apology and tell the rest of the congregation that she had wronged me. If she had done so it would have helped restore my reputation and made it more difficult for Rev. Karen to dechurch me. Now at this point in time, if Ruth were truly sorry and want to make amends, she would purchase my book and encourage others to do so. She would work with me to end spiritual abuse and bullying in churches.

If you are no longer in regular contact with your victim, try to locate them and write them a letter or call them. If that is not possible, apologize on your Facebook, in your blog, or at your church. Make a public confession and tell what happened and your part in it. At least one of your readers or listeners has been victimized. Hearing an apology will help heal their pain. This happened for me when a high school classmate posted an apology on our alumni wall to another classmate for bullying her. I posted the story on my blog and another classmate’s comment validated my school experience with bullying.

In summary, if you have been abusive, apologize to your victim. Do it publicly, if possible. Second, ask your victim how you can make amends, and then do it. Third, reform your behavior and never repeat the harmful behavior. Work to educate others about bullying and abuse. Support programs aimed at ending bullying.

My response: Thank you, Dr. Jones. It has been very helpful to me that you use the word “bullying” to describe what you experienced. I think in using the term “spiritual abuse” we’ve perhaps made the behavior seem abstract, and not related to things we actually did. “Bullying” is very clear and to the point. Our leader was a bully, and he taught us to bully others. That is something we can more easily recognize, admit and apologize for.

I know I do. People probably don’t often think in terms of female “bullies”. But I learned to be one, under Betty’s tutelage, and to teach others to do it, too. I bullied people who lived in our home. I bullied my own children – how far from “bringing them up” in the nurture and teaching of the Lord! I beat them down, and taught other mothers to do the same. I taught the camp counselors and high school counselors to bully the kids. “Sisters” wanted counsel, and wanted to meet with me, and I bullied them, using verses from the Bible, or some other book, to bludgeon them. I was so wrong, and so stupid to miss the main point Jesus made – “Let me give you a new command: Love one another!” I would welcome any reminders from readers of behavior I need to apologize to them for, and/or suggestions of how I might make amends.

Thank you for this timely book, Dr. Jones.

If any of you readers have comments for Dr. Jones, she is here with us this morning, and is willing to answer questions.

Dr. Jones comments: Meg, that is a really good point. Most people need spiritual abuse defined for them but they understand what bullying is. It was an epiphany for me when I saw John Stossel’s TV special, “The In-Crowd and Social Cruelty.” It was at that point I realized I was being bullied by my pastor and other church members. It put it into context for me and helped me realize it wasn’t anything I had done wrong.

BTW, I am traveling with my husband who is attending a conference. I will be spending much of my time writing and responding to comments for the rest of this week. So I am available right now and tonight. This week I am offering a special on “Not of My Making” on my blog.

My reply: That’s great! Thank you for the offer! In reply to your comment, I would add that when the bullying and social cruelty are done by spiritual leaders, it becomes spirital abuse as well, because, in our group at least, the leaders claimed to express God’s govenment and “have the mind of Christ”. People have a very difficult time shaking off that distorted image of God afterward. God is not a bully to his children, whom he loves as he loves his beloved Son Jesus (Jn 17)!

Dr. Jones’ comment: Meg, I have a hard time with Matthew 18: 15-17 and a couple of other gospel passages because of the way they were used. Because of this struggle my bible study group picked Matthew to read and discuss this spring and summer. They and I hope I will finally be able to hear those verses in context and not in the way they have been distorted.

My response: I hear you! That passage especially can be wrongly used to force someone into some very powerfully intimadating and shaming confrontations. In our group many Bible verses were used to bully folks. As a result, a lot of former members have a big problem reading the Bible. Going through some of those passages with a knowledgeable and supportive group, as you will be doing in your Bible study, is one of the best ways I know of to “detoxify” them and get them in your mind in a completely different context. Dr. Ronald Enroth observes, in his book Recovering from Churches that Abuse, that the wounds were received relationally, and they will be healed relationally.

Virtual book tour….

Dr. Margaret W. Jones, author of Not of My Making: Bullying, Scapegoating and Misconduct in Churches, will stop by here Monday on her virtual book tour to answer questions. One question I have for her is this: What can persons who have formerly bullied folks and been abusive do now to make amends to their former victims, with whom they are no longer in contact?

I explained to her that most of the readership of this blog come from a cultic church system where there was a top-down pyramid sort of structure. The leader “trained” his henchmen how to control people, and eventually many people used the methods that were used on them on each other. The methods included some of the same things that happened to Dr. Jones – using people and taking them for granted, ignoring their contribution, criticism, backbiting and innuendo, betrayal of confidences, ostracism within the group, shunning those who leave, plus a lot of other stuff I didn’t go into.

Our group pretty much fell apart in 2003 and people scattered. There are many of us who mistreated others, including myself, and don’t even remember most of the incidents because it was so commonplace. But the wounds are still festering in the recipients of our misconduct. Not of My Making does a poignant job of describing what that feels like. It would be great if Dr. Jones could give us some direction on how to help heal the pain that many still feel.

Stay tuned.

Not of my Making….

Not of My Making: Bullying, Scapegoating and Misconduct in Churches is an account of Dr. Margaret W. Jones’ abusive church experiences. I was sent a copy of the book and invited to take part in Dr. Jones’ virtual book tour. I am glad I read it.

In brief, Not of My Making is about the author’s background of childhood abuse, and how she was subsequently mistreated in several denominational churches. Dr. Jones’ story brings into focus the fact that when a church operates on the basis of what it perceives to be the best interests of itself as an institution, rather than focusing on the best interests of the individual members, it can do great harm, especially to those who are particularly vulnerable.

Growing up, Maggie Jones was the youngest of five children in an alcoholic family. Her father was verbally abusive. Her uncle molested her. Her alcoholic mother neglected her care and sent her to school unwashed and unkempt in tattered hand-me-downs. Classmates excluded her because she was “different” and she “smelled”. Having not been properly nurtured or socialized, she could not find a way to successfully fit in with classmates. She was desperately anxious and depressed. In her freshman year in college she began burning and cutting herself. She attempted suicide several times, and was hospitalized for six weeks on one occasion.

She eventually found an excellent, caring therapist, and after two years the suicidal thoughts and self-harming stopped. She felt that Dr. Howard had saved her life. She graduated from college, married a fellow psychology student from Trinidad, had two children, went on to graduate school to earn a Ph.D. in psychology, and became a successful psychologist.

During her last year of graduate school Maggie became aware of a spiritual emptiness that had been previously masked by the depression. She began attending a Unitarian church. Over the next twenty years of active membership in three different churches, she experienced bullying, scapegoating, betrayal and mistreatment, with devastating personal consequences.

In the first of these churches, she was silenced and ostracized because she felt there should be open discussion about the homosexual orientation of a ministerial candidate prior to voting. The election was done by show of hands. Afterward, she was ostracized for her negative vote, and eventually advised to resign her church membership. She writes:

Resigning my church membership was very painful. I lost another family. I hadn’t realized how conditional my acceptance at Murray had been. I became frightened of voicing my doubts and concerns, not only on the issue of homosexuality but also on other issues where I might be viewed as politically incorrect. I internalized other people’s negative judgment of my character. Even though I had done nothing to harm anyone else, and rationally, I knew I had only voiced some doubts and tried to initiate a conversation about them, I fought feelings of shame…I believed that the problems I encountered were typical to all organizations. So I stopped actively searching for another congregation and remained unchurched for a couple of years…Leaving Murray left me feeling empty. I yearned for the connection with others that was denied me when I was a child.”

Several years later, Dr. Jones decided to visit another Unitarian church. It was a Sunday when new members were being welcomed into the tiny congregation. She writes: “During the service when the new members were called to the front of the sanctuary, my eyes started to tear. The more I tried to stop, the more I cried. The tears just needed to come…I had hoped the passage of time would heal my grief over the loss of my church. It hadn’t.”

She joined this church and became active in leadership roles. Another leader in the church used her to promote his agenda for church growth, and once again, Dr. Jones ran into trouble. She was scapegoated and viewed as a troublemaker. It turned out that some people in this church knew of her experience in the previous Unitarian church. Confidences were betrayed. Her anxiety escalated and she realized she needed to return to therapy. With the therapist’s help and after much heart-wrenching soul searching, she decided she needed to leave the church. The pastor sent her an email: “When we understood from Don that you had decided to leave the church, everyone I spoke with was relieved. You are not welcomed as a member. I have made it clear to the board that if you return, I will resign as minister….”

Maggie’s anxiety intensified to such a pitch that it triggered the old mechanism of self-harm, the desire to inflict physical pain to override the emotional torment. She writes, “I needed to believe God valued me and didn’t want any harm to come to me. But where was God?” She tried to control the anxiety by keeping busy. She got involved with classes sponsored by the National Council of Churches, where she met a caring Lutheran pastor. She tried visiting another church, but found herself bursting into tears. This pastor noticed, and took her aside to talk. But she found she was no longer able to trust anyone enough to talk about church issues. She didn’t know who might misuse personal information. She describes this time:

For the past few months I had been teetering on the edge of a cliff, about to fall off. There were people offering their hands, but I didn’t know which ones, if any, could be trusted not to let me go. Who is to say they wouldn’t eventually betray me?”

The Lutheran pastor continued to reach out to her, and she eventually joined the Lutheran church. The urge to self-harm decreased. She terminated therapy. She remained conflicted about getting involved with other people, however. She felt uncertain about how much of herself to share, for fear they would eventually reject her if she sought their help.

Then, in response to a plea from Lutheran Social Services for foster parents for Sudanese teens who had survived the civil war, she and her husband welcomed James into their family. But James, charming and handsome, lied, stole, used people, and exhibited no qualms of conscience. The Jones’ took steps to return him to LSS. James, however, had ingratiated himself into the lives of other church members who did not see the problem. He was viewed as an innocent child. Dr. Jones was once again cast as a trouble maker and rejected. Disciplinary action was initiated against her. She left the church. She writes:

During the months following my dechurching from Immanuel, my mood swung between rage and inconsolable grief….I needed to talk the way someone who has almost drowned gulps for air….
Judith Herman’s “Trauma and Recovery” makes clear that survivors’ emotional distress and rage has more to do with their perpetrators’ betrayal and very little to do with the survivor’s personality. If someone had struck my knee with a baseball bat, no one would be surprised that the blow had shattered my kneecap. No-one would whisper that the injury was due to my defective character. If enough stress is applied, all of us would eventually break.

Not of My Making is a book Dr. Jones needed to write. She needed to tell her story and receive a hearing from others who have had similar experiences. She needs to receive confirmation from online communities of folks who know exactly what she is talking about. It is a book that speaks for those abused by churches everywhere. It will help other survivors recognize that they were not the problem – the abusive system was the problem. Hopefully this book will encourage others to speak up.

Maggie Jones’ story underscores how far from the love of Jesus was the treatment she received in these churches. Jesus is the Good Shepherd. He binds up the wounded, he carries the lambs, he runs after the straying. He sees to it that all his sheep are tended and included in the fold. In Dr. Jones’ experience, the churches re-injured her wounds, gossiped about her, spread rumors, bullied her, edged her out and shunned her. Not of My Making gives insight into just how damaging such unloving treatment can be, especially to survivors of previous abuse.

Leaders in the Geftakys Assembly in any kind of position of authority – Leading brothers, heads of training homes, Head Stewards, outreach leaders, Children’s Hour teachers, camp counselors, teachers and aids at Cornerstone, parents, etc.- were actually trained to bully and mistreat people, in the name of “tough love”. This book shows in painful detail how damaging such treatment is.

Dr. Paul Martin is in grave condition….

Urgent prayer request: Word was received at a recent conference that Dr. Paul Martin has suffered a relapse of the leukemia and is in grave condition. Please pray for Dr. Martin, the family, and the future of Wellspring. Messages of encouragement and support can addressed to P. O. Box 67, Albany, OH 45710. You may also enter them as comments on this post, and I will send them on to Dr. Martin.

Wellspring is continuing in its capacity to help survivors, and here’s a heads-up to those who have considered attending the two-week in-house recovery program: Wellspring is currently offering one scholarship each month of a 65% rate reduction for those who qualify.

Marriage wisdom….

Take note, all ye whose marriages have been impacted by an authoritarian Christian group. In honor of his son’s wedding this week the Internet Monk posted some “proverbs” he wrote for the young couple. He has some refreshing words of wisdom that circumvent the usual categories and stimulate Biblical thinking on the subject. Great, great advice on marriage! Here’s a sampling:

Marriage is like a third person, like a child that has brought you together. It has its own power, but you have to nurture, care for and protect it, or it will grow weak, sick or even die.

Admit that being in love and learning how to love a real human being all the time are different things.

The atmosphere in a marriage is a matter of small things done consistently in love, not large things done to make up for failures.

Marriage, like everything else in the authoritarian legalistic group, was framed primarily–surprise!–in authoritarian terms. Get clear in your minds who is the Chief and who is the Indian. But when you really think about, Jesus boiled the essentials down to something entirely different–love one another. And then he demonstrated what he was talking about by washing his disciples’ feet. He did that, the true Lord and Master. The iMonk’s proverbs translate that concept into practical terms.

Quote on spiritual freedom…..

Here is a great quote on the sweetness of spiritual freedom from Chuck Swindoll, Grace Awakening. In response to those like Betty G. who would retort, “You just don’t want to be subject to the Lord and go the way of the cross,” I would reply that being obedient to Christ is not the same thing as being subject to people who call themselves God’s servants. The New Testament is pretty clear that Christians are not to try to control one another. There is Paul’s example in the book of Philemon, where he requests that Philemon free his slave Onesimus and send him back to Paul. But he says, “I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do will be spontaneous and not forced.” Jesus said, “The rulers of the Gentiles Lord it over you, but it shall not be so among you.” How sweet it is to be free from a system where “counsel” was as binding as chains of steel.

So George could say…

In 1970 (before the Assembly began) there was a weekend seminar in George and Betty Geftakys’ home. Some people hung around afterward to talk–his teenage son, Tim, and his friends, several women in their sixties who had been part of a similar ministry in the past, several young couples who were experimenting on Saturday nights with their ideas of what the church really ought to look like. George proposed, with enthusiasm (as he did everything), “What we need is a prayer meeting. You people here are the backbone of this ministry. We need to meet every two weeks on Saturday to pray all day for this ministry. The Lord wants to do great things, and there is great opposition. What do you say, friends! Is that too much to ask for the Lord?” Thus was born the Workers Prayer Meeting.

Now, wherever he went he could say, “This ministry is bathed in prayer. I have a whole group of people praying for me all day twice a month.” That tended to set polite skeptics back on their heels a bit. After all, the guy was apparently not a lone wolf, he had serious people behind him.

On another occasion George said, “I remember the days when Billy Sunday preached in tent meetings. Those were wonderful days, friends, wonderful! God came down on that tent, glory filled it. It’s a shame there are no more tent meetings. God used them in a mighty way. I’m all for raising up a new tent campaign for the Lord, what do you say, friends! Wouldn’t that be glorious, a tent right here on Harbor Boulevard!”

And so the yearly Fullerton and Huntington Beach tent campaigns were born. Never mind that they were an anachronism, they never drew crowds of people, they sucked huge amounts of time and energy from many people to put them on. That didn’t matter, because George was able to say, “In this ministry, we don’t care about the latest fad in the churches. We do things the old fashioned way. We just preach the gospel, like Billy Sunday and Billy Graham.”

“…So George could say”….How much of what we did was really for this purpose, so George Geftakys could give an impression – “This is my ministry, this is who I am.” All nights of prayer, summer schools on university campuses, even the seminars…In addition to being tools for mind control, they were stage setting and props and cast to support the illusion of George and Betty Geftakys’ drama.

We cannot fail….

Joe Sperling shared a couple of encouraging posts this month on the Assembly board that are especially good for those of us who still have the lovely combo of BG and GG’s messages in our subconscious: GG – “Strive harder or you’re going to lose out eternally “, (we are going to make it, George, God says so), and BG – “You must perfectly excel in every smallest thing you do, especially cleaning the grout in the tile.” Is anyone else still plagued with this? GG’s threats don’t bother me any more, thanks to a revised theology, but I still have a little Betty in me criticizing every cotton pickin’ thing I do – not so much the tile grout, but my daily walk with God – “You didn’t pray enough today, you haven’t been reading your Bible enough, your attitude has not been full of perfect joy and peace, I hear inward grumbling,” and on and on and on…..Here’s is Joe’s encouragement. April 2 – This one is for GG.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God”. (Heb. 12:1,2)

I think we can all remember as little kids when we left with our parents on a long drive to a vacation spot, or maybe to visit some relatives. The drive would start out with great excitement and joy. But as we all know, kids are very impatient, so not too long afterward the excitement would abate and the perpetual question “Are we there yet?!!?” would begin to fill the air, followed by squirming, and a lot of moaning and groaning.

What had happened (and it is only natural) is that the “focus” was gone—the future excitement and thoughts of the destination were replaced by the present reality of confinement, repetition, and impatience. Often though, when one of us kids would start talking about what we were going to do once we got there the excitement would return.

The above is a very lame example, I’m sure, but as Christians we need to recall “what were going to do when we get there” also, but of course, on a much larger scale. This current life is filled with a sense of “confinement” and repetition. We grow impatient, and all of us truly at heart hate trials and struggles. It is only natural. We are human. So, we need to stir ourselves up at times. We need to remember the day of our salvation and the deep joy, and huge excitement we experienced!! We need to meditate on Scriptures that bring to remembrance our Heavenly hope, and the Loving Savior who will embrace us there!! We need to “look away onto Jesus” and remember that the Bible says he “ever makes intercession for us”—-he is praying for us and cheering us on during this life we are living—and because he prays we will not fail. Even as he said to Peter when he stated that “Satan had desired to sift him as wheat” he added with assurance, “But I have prayed for you that your faith fail not”. Peter may have stumbled greatly, but because Jesus prayed for him he was restored, and ended his life in great victory!!

When we “run with endurance” it doesn’t mean we won’t ever fail or fall. It means we get back up if we have stumbled, and again “look away onto Jesus” and recall our salvation, and the promises that Jesus made to us then. His promises are still the same–”I go to prepare a place for you” is a promise just as real and true now as it was when you read and believed it the first time. We know we aren’t “there yet”, though we may squirm, moan and groan like little kids at times, and complain. The important thing is to focus once again—-read Romans 8, Hebrews 12, Revelation 21 and other Scriptures that speak of that blessed destination we all hope for—–and especially that most blessed person, Jesus, who yearns more for our arrival than we do! That truly is something to get excited about!!

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. (Titus 2:11-14)

April 21 – this one is for BG.

“Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them”. (Hebrews 7:25)

I mentioned this verse just recently, but it has really stuck with me since then. The verse mentions “us” and it mentions “Jesus”. And what can a stumbling, mumbling, grumbling person like me do to be saved? Absolutely nothing. All I can do is “come to God through Jesus” and admit my sinfulness, weakness, pride, and inability to do anything. And what will God do? He is “able to save me completely” (The KJV says “to the uttermost”) as a result.

And why? Because of my faithfulness and moral character? Because of my striving and good works? No. It’s because Jesus “always lives to intercede for me”. I mentioned Peter before. Peter denied the Lord. Why did he repent and return? Because Peter was a very moral person? Because Peter was a good-hearted guy who saw how wrong he was? No. Peter repented and returned because “Jesus prayed for him that his faith would not fail”. Jesus KNEW Peter was going to deny him—-but because Jesus prayed for him he did not utterly fall like Judas did.

Sometimes we are tempted after a particularly long streak of being really “good” to think God is looking down and saying “Boy, that Joe sure is a faithful, good guy. Look how he strives, look how hard he works. Because he is doing such a good job, I’ll continue to love him”. But then, as we are all prone to do at times, we fall. Now, we are tempted to think God is looking down and thinking “Boy, that Joe used to be a faithful, good guy. He used to strive, and work really hard at being good. When he gets back to being a good person again, I’ll love him more also”.

Sounds stupid—but some of us are prone to think that way. We need to remember that Jesus prayed for Peter BEFORE he even denied him. Satan wanted to “sift Peter” and Jesus said “I HAVE prayed for you that your faith fail not”. That is important to see. Jesus ALREADY KNOWS how and when we are going to fail. He saved us DESPITE what he already knew about us, and what we were going to do.

The Father doesn’t love us because of what we do, or how faithful we are—–He loves us because of WHO WE ARE IN JESUS. It’s hard sometimes to see that and remember it–we are so prone to self-condemnation. That is why God gave us Romans 8:1 “There is therefore NO CONDEMNATION to them who ARE IN CHRIST JESUS”. We may “feel” condemned, but God assures us WE ARE NOT. The Father looks to the Son, and the Son is interceding for us weak, stumbling sheep—and because of that alone—-WE CANNOT FAIL. If it were left to me I’d run headlong into hell, and I know it. But I CANNOT FAIL, because Jesus is “always interceding for me”. Like Peter, I may stumble and fall. But I can be assured, because Jesus prays, I will get up again, and finally reach my final destination.

What a comforting, wonderful reality—Jesus is interceding for us. Even at this very moment we are all in his prayers. “Know ye not that it is the goodness of God that leads you to repentance? (Romans 2:4)

Jesus Interrupted….

Ben Witherington has a great series of posts on Bart Ehrman’s latest book, Jesus Interrupted: Revealing the hidden contradictions in the Bible (and why we didn’t know about them). Dr. Witherington approaches it on a scholarly level, eschewing any fundamentalistic emotional rant on inerrancy. He deftly teases out the weaknesses in Ehrman’s arguments and brings the conversation around to the big picture of the reliability of the Bible as we have it. Thought-provoking reading for those who would like to dismiss Christianity after a devastating church experience.

“Why should I believe in Easter when life is so difficult?”

Dave Sable first posted this on Facebook.

“I admit that when I am hit with my occasional bouts of depression that it is hard to really get into the “He is Risen!” spirit. Resurrection Life seems a really cool concept, a neat idea. But the reality feels a million miles away from my experience. Over Passion Week, I admit relating better to Judas and Peter (those who failed through poor choices) than experiencing a chipper, up-beat, always-joyous Resurrection Life flowing through my veins.

“The disciples lived for a time between two events. One event was that of dashed hopes of the crucifixion. The other was the then-unknown victory of the resurrection. Some are hard on Peter for going back to his old vocation of fishing but the temptation to give into despair is not trivial. He had no mental category to believe that Sunday was coming.

“Even after the resurrection, despair is luring. The Resurrection certainly speaks of victory and new life yet I live in a world where to me this new life feels very other-worldly and distant. I am surrounded by bad decisions and difficult conversations. As many as come to God, many seem to fall away; even more are indifferent. The vibrancy and cultural-effect of the church is diminished compared to the early church. Catastrophic national problems are caused not through accidents or natural disasters but through sheer selfishness and evil intent.

“Why should I believe in God’s victory of any kind when life is so difficult, the world is so dangerous, and purposeless evil seems to reign?

“There are three ways to look at this problem. First, I can turn to cynicism and assume all of this talk of new life and resurrection is childish fairy tales. To do this, I would have to give up altogether.

“Second, I can put blinders on towards the evil and difficulty in this life and claim that by faith there is no sickness, sorrow, or economic crisis – that Jesus’ victory is here now to those who claim it and those who look at the difficulty of life commit the ultimate sin of lacking faith. To do this, I would have to redefine or ignore the inconsistencies in my own life and the world about me.

“The third view is the one that makes the most sense to me. Like the disciples, I too live between two events. The first event is the Resurrection where the victory was secured. The second event is the new heaven and the new earth where the victory will be brought to full fruition.

“In my life today, I see sparkling glimmers of the victory at Calvary- the drug addict that gets free, the marriage that gets restored, the life that is sacrificed in service to God, the believer who stands for justice in his workplace, and the manic depressive person who drags herself to church to serve coffee and be around others. These are hints that something vital and wonderful was secured on Calvary and people to some degree are working that victory out.

“However, these hints are pointing to a day future where what we know today will be transformed into a new heaven and new earth. All of our feeble attempts at holiness, love, righteousness, and godliness will be resurrected and made into what God had always intended it to be. No decision we make today, no struggle, no attempt to please God will be wasted. Evil will be cast down. New life will be fully manifested.

“So even though I see though a glass darkly, I can celebrate the past victory, imperfectly seek to accord my life to that victory today and live expectantly to see its full fruition in the future. He is risen indeed.”

Thanks, Dave. Where I fellowship this concept is referred to as “the already” and “the not yet”. I think often the wonder of the resurrection is spoken of as if now everything is resolved in victory, forgetting that Jesus has not yet come again in his kingdom. I especially like how you refer to this as the transformation of the new heaven and new earth. We see the glimmers of new life among God’s people, but life on earth will be completely transformed when the new earth is come and the King is reigning in glory!

ICSA workshop for SGA’s (“What’s an SGA???”, you ask)…

SGA’s are second generation adults who were raised in cults. A workshop especially tailored for them is a fantastic opportunity to meet some folks like yourself (how often does that happen!) and to hear from people who really understand your unique situation. ICSA is very professional, and although secular, is respectful of faith. The workshop will be held at a lovely retreat center on Lake Gem in Oviedo, FL, near Orlando, on April 17-19. We highly recommend it!

The Bible Jesus Read teaser intro….

The Old Testament, from the Assembly point of view (as taught by G. Geftakys based on 19th and early 20th century Exclusive Plymouth Brethren writers) is to be read mainly as an allegory of the Christian life–i.e. Christians can wander in the wilderness as Israel did; but only a few will enter the promised land with Joshua and Caleb; and those who sin will be judged as Israel was, etc. In The Bible Jesus Read Yancey takes a very different approach, paying attention to how the character of God is revealed in the Old Testament. This book comes through on what the flyleaf promises:

The Bible Jesus Read will give you abundant new insights into the hear of God the Father. And as you read with a fresh eye the prayers, poems, songs, and bedtime stories that Jesus so revered you will gain a profound new understanding of Christ. “The more we comprehend the Old Testament,” Yancey writes, “the more we comprehend Jesus.”

Yancey always writes from the heart. He honestly chronicles his own doubts and struggles with his subject matter. He tells of being weighed down by a feeling that the vastness of the world’s problems made it seem unlikely that his own personal struggles mattered at all to the God of the universe.

During that time of wavering faith he was invited to speak at a conference on the subject of Isaiah 49, “I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” “Bad timing,” he thought to himself. But as he studied the context of the verse, he realized that God made this declaration to his people at the lowest point in their history.

“It suddenly dawned on me that the Hebrews in Babylon who received the message of Isaiah 49 were agonizing over the very same question I had been asking. Do we matter to God?“

Isaiah chapters 42-53 contain some of the most explicit prophecies of the coming Messiah, who is God’s answer to the Hebrews’ question.

In effect, God puts his reputation on the line. He will answer the Hebrews’ bitter complaint with an act of boldness, imagination, and courage that none of them could have dreamed of, an event that will test the limits of human credibility and divine humiliation. God agrees to join them on planet earth…

[T]he God who visits Earth comes not in a raging whirlwind, nor in a devouring fire. “Behold, a virgin shall conceive and bear a Son, and shall call his name Emmanuel, ‘God with us.’” He arrives instead in the tiniest, least threatening from imaginable: as an ovum, and then fetus, growing cell by cell inside a peasant virgin….finally a single baby bursts forth from Mary’s loins to join the puny human human beings on their speck of a planet….

In effect, the holiday we celebrate as Christmas memorializes God’s answer to the Hebrews’ question, Do we matter? Here on earth, for thirty-three years, God experienced in flesh what it is like to be one of us. In the stories he told, and the people whose lives he touched, Jesus answered for all time that vexing question.

Jesus said God is like a shepherd who leaves ninety-nine sheep inside the fence to hunt frantically for one stray; like a father who can’t stop thinking about his rebellious ingrate of a son though he has another who is respectful and obedient; like a rich host who opens the doors of the banquet hall to a menagerie of bag ladies and bums. God loves people not as a race or species, but rather just as you and I love them: one at a time. We matter to God. In a rare moment when he pulled back the curtain between seen and unseen worlds, Jesus said that angels rejoice when a single sinner repents. A solitary act on this speck of a planet reverberates throughout the cosmos….

What the prophets spoke about, Jesus lived. “I have engraved you on the palms of my hands,” God said in Isaiah’s day. When he visited earth in the form of a Servant, he showed that the hand of God is not too big for the smallest person in the world. It is a hand engraved with our individual names and engraved also with wounds, the cost to God of loving us so much.”

Yancey concludes his study of the OT prophets,

“We may never figure out the toes and horns of Daniel’s beasts, or the intricacies of Revelation 12…..I confess that, despite long hours of study in the prophets, I have no clearer understanding of what will happen next year, or in 2025. But I have a much clearer idea of what God wants to accomplish in my life right now. And I am gaining, gradually, the confidence to believe in the present what will fully make sense only when seen from the future.

The Bible Jesus Read will not only help to clear away some of the mistaken interpretations of the Old Testament handed down to us from the old-time exclusive Brethren via George Geftakys; it paints a broad picture of God’s overall plan from a fresh perspective. It rekindles faith in a wise, good and loving God.

“We shall see Him as He is!”

The Internet Monk describes pretty well the prevailing concern of legalistic pastors over the dangers of ‘cheap grace’ (here, here and here). Betty G. once said to me, “If there weren’t the possibility of losing out on the inheritance, what would be the motivation for sanctification?” This was a rhetorical question – the obvious answer was supposed to be, “You’re right. Christians need rules and threats hanging over their heads, or they’ll just live careless worldly lives and they won’t ’strive to enter in’.”

I John 3 describes an entirely different motivation.

What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it–we’re called children of God! That’s who we really are…And that’s only the beginning. Who knows how we’ll end up! What we know is that when Christ is openly revealed, we’ll see him–and in seeing him, become like him. All of us who look forward to his Coming stay ready, with the glistening purity of Jesus’ life as a model for our own. –The Message

Christians grow in godliness because they want to be like Jesus. A little guy growing up in a good home naturally wants to be like his dad. Dad is his hero, he craves Dad’s approval, he wants to show off his accomplishments for Dad. That’s the amazing bond of family.

But harsh treatment can erode family bonds, in the natural family and in the family of God. I just finished reading The Man Who Listens to Horses, about Marty Roberts’ innovative way of ‘breaking’ horses by respectful communication rather than harsh domination. Marty’s father was also a horse trainer, who used the old methods of ropes and whips….and used them on his son as well. There was never a father-son bond. Marty did not grow up wanting to be like his father. He forged a different path and there was always tension between them.

Significantly, both George and Betty Geftakys seem to have grown up unbonded to their fathers. Apparently they never experienced that childhood adoration and closeness. It makes perfect sense, then, that Betty wouldn’t know any other motivation than fear of consequences. G & B perpetrated strict legalism, harsh treatment and threats of eternal loss as motivators to godliness.

The result may have been better performance, but many of us came away feeling estranged from God. The images of G & B have been stamped all over Him, because it was all said and done in His name. If a true picture of God can be recaptured, He wins our hearts back again. The more we remember and appreciate the love and attention God lavishes on us–the sacrifice Jesus made to bring us into oneness with himself, His present intercession for us, His constant presence with us–the closer grows our bond with Him, and the desire to please Him and become like Him starts growing again. It just does, completely apart from external rules and threats!